Frozen Trauma
Not only a kick-ass (fictional) Band, but apropos where I am in the universe at the moment…you’re along for the ride.
Dedicated to trying to figure out the age old question…what the fuck?
also why can i not change this text size…this is bullshit wordpress!
Experience…whatever the hell this is…
Welcome to Frozen Trauma, where you’re invited to join our journey through the universe. Our friendly experts use innovative approaches to offer personalized mental health care. Like totally…we won’t give you terrible advice at all!
Transforming Lives, Embracing Change
At Frozen Trauma, our “dedicated” team provides empathetic and bespoke mental health services. Join us on this journey and experience the profound impact of our unique approach. Or don’t…we don’t fucking care…we’ll just give you the thousand yard stare, smoke cloves, and listen to the cure.
1
Top “Specialist” absolutely fucking up
69%
Empathetic and Customized Care Nice!
4500+
Lessons learned…supposedly
3
the number of times he’s almost killed himself skateboarding at the age of 51
Holistic Mental Health Solutions
“Friendly” therapists offering personalized care for individuals, couples, and groups. Customized plans to enhance mental wellness including threesomes, telling you to kys, or both!
Enduring Mental Wellbeing Care
Confidential therapy sessions for growth and effective coping. HIPPA only applies to like real health people not some crack smoking hobo!
Empowering Group Therapy
Join others facing similar issues in our supportive group sessions…and by therapy we mean group sex.
Revitalizing Relationships with Couples Therapy
Enhance your bond with couples therapy. Expert advice for a deeper connection…we all know the reason your relationship is in shambles is because Brad won’t wash the dishes and certainly isn’t because you weren’t loved as a child!
Caring Family Therapy for Lasting Bonds
Boost family communication and resolve conflicts for a healthier dynamic.
Remember “HEY DAD, FUCK YOU!” is a perfectly valid thing to say.
Inspiring Journeys: Client Stories
Discover how Frozen Trauma has empowered our clients in their quest for mental wellness. Listen to their inspiring stories…errrr we mean nightmares…shit that’ll haunt you forever.
Frozen Trauma transformed my life with their genuine support…and by support…he sent me links for Futurepop and gave me some cosmic bullshit from the Tao of Pooh. 5/5 would recommend!
Ashley Davis
Tech Innovator
I feel understood and cherished at Frozen Trauma, a sanctuary for recovery…or more trauma…I really can’t remember my head is so fucked up right now.
Robert Wilson
Painter
Frozen Trauma goes the extra mile to customize treatment for me. They specifically got me a Magic 8 Ball with personalized responses such as “don’t be a bitch, Megan” or “Why shouldn’t you eat your weight in cotton candy, treat yoself!”
Megan Anderson
Brand Strategist
Reach Out for Warm, Personalized Mental Health Guidance
Savagewood Industries
Lake Ridge, VA
(703) 548-4580
hello@frozentrauma.com